Someone (yes, you, Brendan!) asked me recently what started my interest in the “occult”. I found that hard to answer, because it seems like there has always been some element of paranormal attraction in my life.
As a young child, I didn’t think it was strange that I always knew beforehand when my mum would be coming home, or who was on the other end of the line when the phone rang.
I remember finding a dead duckling once. I was heartbroken. My cousin and I decided we would give the poor little soul a decent burial. We dug a shallow grave, wrapped the tiny body in a handkerchief before covering it with earth and as many wild flowers as we could find. I swear we saw Heaven open up, angels looking down on us and we heard sweet ethereal music drifting down… our imagination? Most likely. A profound experience? Definitely. You do not question these occurrences when you are young. You just accept them, because your heart is still open to wonder and not yet filled with scepticism and disbelief.
It wasn’t until much later on that I found out not everything I had been taking for granted was as “normal” as I thought.
My grandparents lived very close by and I went to visit them daily as a child. Whenever I was at their house, my great-uncle Frans was also there. Sitting in a leather armchair by the window, smoking his pipe. I can still smell the distinctive vanilla-and-bourbon aroma of his pipe tobacco. He never spoke, but he smiled a lot. I would sit on his lap and feel safe there.
When I was 7, both my grandparents passed away within 2 weeks of eachother. My granddad had been sick for a very long time, but my grandmother made him promise not to leave her behind – he made good on his promise and clung to life until my grandmother unexpectedly died. I was on my way home from school when the ambulance passed me. I turned back and told the teacher I couldn’t go home because there would be nobody there – I just knew my mum was accompanying her mother in that ambulance but they would not make it to the hospital on time…
So – once my grandparents had passed away, I stopped seeing my great-uncle Frans. I never asked where he had gone or what happened to him.
Years later, going through some old photographs with my mum, I came accross a picture of him. Mum was very surprised that I seemed to know who he was. I said that of course I knew him, recounting the times I sat on his lap, smelling his pipe, bringing him little chocolate eggs coated in sugar as he liked them so much…
Mum looked at me funny. She admitted that yes, uncle Frans used to sit in that chair by the window. Yes, his pipe smelled of vanilla. Yes, he loved those little sugar-eggs… but she couldn’t understand how I knew any of this, as according to her, my great-uncle Frans died 2 years before I was born…This is the last picture taken of my grandmother before she passed away. And the last time I saw uncle Frans. I remember this day. It was Easter, and I had filled my basket with the little sugar-coated eggs I liked to bring to uncle Frans. In my memory, he is sitting right behind me, in the black leather chair next to the window. Obviously, in this actual picture, he is not there. Which reality is more real? I have very clear memories of him, I know he was there, for me – why? I can’t answer that. Maybe one day, I will find out.
Because of this it is impossible for me not to believe in some sort of afterlife, some existence beyond our world of flesh and bone. Which in turn makes it easier to believe in so many other things. I don’t claim to understand everything, but I am open-minded. And willing to learn.
My journey has been eventful so far, and along the way I have found that Tarot is a system that works very well for me, to help me make sense of my experiences, continue my personal development and always keep my mind searching for more.
I have learned so much already, about the Soul of the Universe, and the connection between all living beings – about crystals and vibrations, the Law of Attraction, lightworkers and empaths, magick and affirmations, Indigo Children and the influence of the moon,…
All this energy out there, that we can tap in to if we want… There is so much more to Life than just what our limited senses can perceive. But if you look with your heart you will feel the truth. So go find out. Experiment. Try new things. Find what makes sense to you. Believe.